Quote of the Day (2012-08-31)

[while engaging in a "battle of wits"]

Westley: You've made your decision, then?

Vizzini: Not remotely! Because iocaine comes from Australia, as everyone knows. And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals. And criminals are used to having people not trust them as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.

Westley: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

Vizzini: Wait till I get going!

[pause]

Vizzini: Where was I?

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2012-08-30)

[Bart is faking illness to get out of a test he hasn't prepared for]

Bart: Ohhhh, my ovaries.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2012-08-29)

Olive Penderghast: Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80's movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.

Source: Easy A

Quote of the Day (2012-08-28)

[Bart has had his ear pierced]

Lisa: An earring, how rebellious. In a conformist sort of way.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2012-08-27)

Jim Hacker: "Bernard, how did Sir Humphrey know I was with Dr. Cartwright?"

Bernard Woolley: "God moves in a mysterious way."

Jim Hacker: "Let me make one thing perfectly clear: Humphrey is not God, okay."

Bernard Woolley: "Will you tell him or shall I?"

Jim Hacker: "Tell me how he knew where I was."

Bernard Woolley: "Well, confidentially Minister, everything you tell me is in complete confidence, so equally, and I am sure you appreciate this, and by appreciate I don't actually mean appreciate, I mean understand, that everything Sir Humphrey tells me is also in complete confidence, as indeed everything I tell you is in complete confidence, and for that matter everything I tell Sir Humphrey is in complete confidence."

Jim Hacker: "So?"

Bernard Woolley: "So in complete confidence, I am confident that you understand that for me to keep Sir Humphrey's confidence and your confidence, means that conversations between him and me must be completely confidential, as confidential in fact as conversations between you and me are completely confidential."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2012-08-26)

Kent Brockman: Scott, things aren't as happy as they used to be down here at the unemployment office. Joblessness is no longer just for Philosophy majors - useful people are starting to feel the pinch.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2012-08-25)

Lester Burnham: [narrating] Both my wife and daughter think I'm this gigantic loser and they're right, I have lost something. I'm not exactly sure what it is but I know I didn't always feel this... sedated.

Source: American Beauty

Quote of the Day (2012-08-23)

LAUNCELOT: Yes you were, you were in terrible peril.

GALAHAD: Look, let me go back in there and face the peril.

LAUNCELOT: No, it's too perilous.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2012-08-21)

Inspector Tiger: This house is surrounded. I'm afraid I must not ask anyone to leave the room. No, I must ask nobody ... no, I must ask everybody to... I must not ask anyone to leave the room. No one must be asked by me to leave the room. No, no one must ask the room to leave. I ... I ... ask the room shall by someone be left. Not. Ask nobody the room somebody leave shall I. Shall I leave the room? Everyone must leave the room... as it is... with them in it. Phew. Understand?

Colonel Picketing: You don't want anybody to leave the room.

Source: Monty Python's Flying Circus

Quote of the Day (2012-08-19)

Parole Board chairman: They've got a name for people like you H.I. That name is called "recidivism."

Parole Board member: Repeat offender!

Parole Board chairman: Not a pretty name, is it H.I.?

H.I.: No, sir. That's one bonehead name, but that ain't me any more.

Parole Board chairman: You're not just telling us what we want to hear?

H.I.: No, sir, no way.

Parole Board member: 'Cause we just want to hear the truth.

H.I.: Well, then I guess I am telling you what you want to hear.

Parole Board chairman: Boy, didn't we just tell you not to do that?

H.I.: Yes, sir.

Parole Board chairman: Okay, then.

Source: Raising Arizona

Quote of the Day (2012-08-18)

Gloria Bunker-Stivic: Daddy, did you know that sixty percent of the people murdered in this country in the last ten years were killed by guns?

Archie Bunker: Would it make you feel any better, little girl, if they was pushed out of windows?

Source: All in the Family

Quote of the Day (2012-08-17)

Here's a riddle for you. There's 200 million people in America. A hundred million of them are men. They lose four socks a year, conservatively. I lose ten myself. That's 400 million missing socks. Missing forever. Where are they? Nobody ever sees them again. You'd think you'd run into one of them every once in a while.

Source: Heartburn

Quote of the Day (2012-08-16)

Westley: There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours.

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2012-08-15)

Matthias: Look, I don't think it should be a sin, just for saying "Jehovah".

[Everyone gasps]

Jewish Official: You're only making it worse for yourself!

Matthias: Making it worse? How can it be worse? Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!

Jewish Official: I'm warning you! If you say "Jehovah" one more time (gets hit with rock) RIGHT! Who did that? Come on, who did it?

Stoners: She did! She did! (suddenly speaking as men) He! He did! He!

Jewish Official: Was it you?

Stoner: Yes.

Jewish Official: Right...

Stoner: Well you did say "Jehovah. "

[Crowd throws rocks at the stoner]

Jewish Official: STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT RIGHT NOW! STOP IT! All right, no one is to stone _anyone_ until I blow this whistle. Even... and I want to make this absolutely clear... even if they do say, "Jehovah. "

[Crowd stones the Jewish Official to death]

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2012-08-14)

Lester Burnham: You don't think it's kinda weird & fascist?

Carolyn Burnham: Possibly, but you don't want to be unemployed.

Lester Burnham: Oh well, all right, let's all sell our souls and work for Satan because it's more convenient that way.

Source: American Beauty

Quote of the Day (2012-08-13)

"Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable. I was bright. Oh, maybe not academically speaking, but I was perceptive. I always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party. It all became very clear to me sitting out there today, that every decision I've ever made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat... It's often wrong."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2012-08-12)

Bravely bold Sir Robin, rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, o Brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways. Brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin! He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away, And his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin! His head smashed in and his heart cut out, And his liver removed and his bowels unplugged, And his nostrils ripped and his bottom burned off.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2012-08-11)

Blessed are the cheesmakers.

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2012-08-10)

Jim Hacker: "But we can't stab our partners in the back and spit in their face."

Bernard Woolley: "You can't stab anyone in the back, while you spit in their face."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2012-08-09)

Carol: Do you want to dance?

Melvin Udall: I've been thinking about that for a while.

Carol: [standing up] Well?

Melvin Udall: No.

Source: As Good As It Gets

Quote of the Day (2012-08-08)

[George describing his breakup attempt]

It's like I was making a prison break, you know. And I'm heading for the wall, and I trip and I twist my ankle, and they throw the light on you, you know. So, somehow I get through the crying and I keep running. Then the cursing started. She's firing at me from the guard tower: 'Son of a bang! Son of a boom!' I get to the top of the wall, the front door. I opened it up, I'm one foot away. I took one last look around the penitentiary, and I jumped!

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2012-08-07)

Filipino kid: You are American?

Tourist: No, I'm a Canadian. It's like an American, but without the gun.

Source: Kids in the Hall

Quote of the Day (2012-08-06)

Kramer: "I just took a bath, Jerry. A bath!"

Jerry: "No good?"

Kramer: "It's disgusting. I'm sitting there in a tepid pool of my own filth. All kinds of microscopic parasites and organisms having sex all around me."

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2012-08-05)

Westley: [as he is unsuccessfully fighting Fezzik] Are you toying with me?

Fezzik: No! I want you to feel you're doing well. I hate for people to die unhappy.

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2012-08-04)

Sir Arnold: "But once they have accepted the principle that senior civil servants could be removed for incompetence, that would be the thin end of the wedge. We could loose dozens of our chaps, hundreds perhaps."

Sir Humphrey: "Thousands..."

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2012-08-03)

Captain Renault: Carl, see that Major Strasser gets a good table, one close to the ladies.

Carl: I have already given him the best, knowing he is German and would take it anyway.

Source: Casablanca

Quote of the Day (2012-08-02)

It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2012-08-01)

Politicians' Logic: Something must be done, this is something, therefore it must be done.

Source: Yes, Prime Minister